For years I watched TV shows and movies featuring people getting ready for weddings. And you know what I foolishly did? I laughed. Father of the Bride? Hilarious pratfalls! Four Wedding and a Funeral? Who doesn't love that movie! That one with Alan Alda? A classic! I would sit there and I would laugh at people getting stressed and freaking out. Ha ha! Hee hee!
But now that I'm getting married in 17 days (countdown clock coming soon!) things aren't as funny anymore.
I still need to:
• Call the tent people. There's nothing funny about that.
• Figure out the deal with my ring. Evidently it's coming over from Germany and that's why it hasn't arrived yet even though I ordered it 10 weeks ago. Really, Germany!? First you put my people in concentration camps and now this? (Too much?)
• Make playlists for the cocktail hour/dinner/dancing. While I would be perfectly happy to just dig out my mix CDs from high school (who doesn't love LFO and 5ive) I feel that the Metallurgist would not be a happy camper.
• Get the Metallurgist her wedding gift. I had no idea this was a thing.
• Learn the dance we're doing for our first dance (p.s. If anyone wants to work the spotlight that position has yet to be filled).
• Meet up with the photographer and go over last minute things (e.g. here is a list of drunk relatives that you should keep the camera pointed away from).
• Buy shoes. Again, there's nothing funny about that.
• Make a countdown clock (see above).
• Lots of other stuff.
I kind of wondering why I'm even blogging right now. I have too much other stuff to do.
1759 - George Washington marries Martha Dandridge Custis. They register for new horses but everyone ignores the registry and buys them firewood instead.
1846 - The United States House of Representatives votes to stop sharing the Oregon Territory with the United Kingdom. The UK is all "whaaa!?" and we're all "later dudes!" At least that's how 7th graders in surf school are taught it.
1918 - Free Committee for a German Workers Peace is founded. This later goes on to become the Nazi party. Way to go.
1949 - George Brown, the drummer for Kool & the Gang is born. The Brown family celebrates good times.
1996 - Hamas operative Yahya Ayyash is killed by an Israeli-planted booby-trapped cell phone. Israelis ask, "Can you hear us now?"
According to the Trib, a few days ago Paul Reiser's Wikipedia entry was edited to include the following: "On December 27th, 2008, Reiser was discovered dead in the Squallahassee River where he reportedly enjoyed fly fishing. No foul play was suspected."
The issue? Paul Reiser isn't actually dead.
I'm not sure which is sadder,the fact that someone would edit Reiser's Wikipedia entry and add his fake death, or that the new addition was noticed and removed within a few hours. Does Wikipedia keep that close of tabs on their entries or is Reiser's fan base just that strong?
I talked about his wedding and my toast and just growing up in general. Then, in the last paragraph, I wrote: "I guess what I'm saying is that I'm getting older and I'll just have to be more careful from now on. If I don't pay attention I could end up married at any time."
In 23 days I'm getting married. I guess I just wasn't careful enough.
The Metallurgist and I have been itching to give each other our Christmas presents and Hanukkah is a great way to get around that. Can't wait until the 25th? Dub it a Hanukkah present and hand it out!
This was the case last night when our present itchiness got the better of us. So I opened mine and she opened hers and this is what we gave each other:
Yes, she got me a bottle of wine and I got her a vacuum pump wine stopper. Throw in some combs and a pocket watch and you've got an O. Henry story.
Last night was the first night of Hanukkah (seven more to go!).
It was also the start of the first Hanukkah the Metallurgist and I have spent together, and I think she's pretty keen on it. Lighting candles, swapping presents and a fair amount of eating; it's no different from most great holidays. We even played a few rounds of dreidel (us Jews love to win money, especially from those close to us).
And as per tradition, my mother gave us some Hanukkah gelt.
For those of you who are out of the know: Yes, even our chocolate is wrapped to look like money.
Since we're heading into the weekend I thought I'd share a little article I saw this morning in the NYTimes. On hangovers.
"You can smell land long before you see it. It smells like newly-mown hay, makes you think of all the things you've missed at sea -- high on that list, for me, was sex and hooch." Amen!
No, but seriously, the article gives a history of hangover cures, ranging from boiled cabbage to sex. If you're someone who drinks you should read it. And if you're not someone who drinks...what's up with that?
This morning on the bus, sitting on the seat across from me, I saw a hair pick.
(If you look really close you can see that the handle end is actually a tiny fist - Fight the man!)
After taking a picture of the pick I was tempted to just post it on my blog this morning and make a joke. But then I thought that whoever lost the pick is probably having a worse morning because of it. Then I started thinking of all the stuff I've lost over the years.
1991 - On a school trip to the Field Museum I lose my Star Trek: The Next Generation lunchbox. It was one from the first few seasons when their uniforms were still a smidge too tight.
1993 - I lose a bit of my young pride when, while away at summer camp, I earn the name Lipstick Boy because of my very red lips. As much as the name stings, I thank my lucky stars I'm not the kid named Max who got caught in his bunk late one night and earned the name The Maxturbator.
2000 - About midway through the semester I lose the will to even attempt doing my science homework anymore. My gruff science teacher eventually stopped looking in my direction as she walked around the classroom collecting worksheets. We had a silent understanding.
2001 - present - I lose many items of clothing to the clutches of my brother - too numerous to count. Luckily, I manage to steal some of his clothes as well.
2002 - Moving out of my first Chicago apartment, I was in an awful mood (and in a hurry for some reason I can't remember) and I wasn't willing to take apart my beloved Foosball table so that it would fit through the door. Instead I just left it. (So, not so much lost as just left. Sue me.)
2003 - I bring an umbrella on a date but forget to grab it when I leave the train (and my date). I think to myself that she probably saw it and picked it up, but it's not worth seeing her again just to get the umbrella.
2004 - Staying at the W hotel downtown, I leave a pair of pajama pants in the dresser. I call an hour after checkout to see if they have them, but they say they don't. A cleaning lady is no doubt enjoying them still.
TreeHugger has a new photo spread of Girls on Bikes (it's not as kinky as it sounds). It features photos of celebrities riding their bikes and being "green." And some of the photos (like Sarah Michelle Gellar using her front basket to do her grocery shopping) seem genuine and nice. Other photos just seem too staged for words.
I mean c'mon! She's in a parking garage for god sakes! She probably just pulled that bike out of the back of her Escalade!
The Always-Ready-To-Party Arjewtino has recently been invited to strip at the Metallurgist's bachelorette party (his blog today covered the entire thing in detail).
"If I accept the Metallurgist's offer to strip at her bachelorette party, you have to come with me," he said.
I replied: "Last I heard it was in Vegas. And nothing brings down a Vegas bachelorette party quicker than the groom being there."
"You should throw your own competing bachelor party at the same time right next door," Arjewtino countered. "That'll learn them."
I thought for a second, then rationalized: "Once we do that, things are on their way to turning into a bad movie starring Sean William Scott and Brittany Murphy where the two of them throw competing bachelor/bachelorette parties, each upping the absurdity of how 'awesome' their party is going to be."
And that's when Arjewtino suggested the movie be called Double Down, and I had no other choice than to make a poster for it.
Hollywood should be ringing my doorbell any minute now.
A few friend updates on my The Facebook yesterday after G-Rod was arrested:
- Matt is loving the gubernatorial drama!
- Jada - it's never boring here in Chicago.
- June - Blago!!!!
- Matthew is accepting bribes. Its the new hot thing in Illinois.
- Stephen is wondering if Illinois governors have their own wing in federal prison.
- Dennis - in light of recent news, is wondering if he can pay somebody to make the Chicago winter less shitty. That's how things work in this state, right?
The Metallurgist and I have been tossing around ideas that would enable Murphy to finally pull his weight around the house. To name a few:
1. Tying a feather duster to his tail and having him run around.
2. Strapping sponges to his feet.
3. Having him "pre-wash" plates by giving them a good licking.
4. Wet nose window washing.
5. Doing something (anything!) other than sleeping all day.
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